Vomit Happens

Vomit Happens

Title Page Vomit Happens Fort Birthday Blog

Fun Fact:Baby vomit rapidly dries on crib netting and flakes off into a fine dust that you find on your floor and makes you think you have termites until you smell it.

Baby vomit happens. Kids get sick, they puke. It sucks and you move on when they feel better. But some babies are gaggers and pukers. I’m not talking about spit-up. And I’m not talking about juicy burps from bottle fed infants. I’m talking head swiveling, exorcist calling, projectile vomiting, out the nose, vomit.

Good news. Your baby does not need an exorcist.

One of my toddler twins is a gagger. Too big a bite: swallow, gag, then vomit. Different or new texture: taste, gag, then vomit. Runny nose: randomly gag, then vomit. Cry too much… Drink too fast from the sippy cup…. you get it. We keep a tally: It has been X days since J. puked. We consulted with a specialist. I don’t worry about the vomit anymore, I worry about the lost calories and the wasted food and the laundry and having to change my clothes, again.

Any parents of gaggers know that gaggy babies are the ones most likely to cram their entire PBJ into their mouth while you aren’t looking (Baby Lead Weaning was a joke for him). They are the ones you put butter on all their food to get them extra calories and because it’s food lubricant. Parents of gaggers learn quickly to cut tiny bites and ration food out slowly. Sippy cups only get filled 20%. Bibs with pockets. ALWAYS bibs with pockets. I really really like the ones from 4BusyBees and find them better than any others  because they have a big enough pocket and lay nicely around the neck.

My favorite 4BusyBees Bibs

I can hardly emphasize this enough. NEVER EVER think they need “just one more bite.” That is the bite that will make them puke, guaranteed.

I’ve learned to wrap cribs with princess-and-the-pea type levels of waterproof covers and sheets. Good clothes never go on until the last minute – on either the baby or especially on YOU. You might think you have enough clothes stashed in your car. But inevitably your little one will need to burp while buckled in his car seat, so he gags and then pukes all over outfit number four. And the only clothes in your car is that hoodie that just didn’t fit right and you couldn’t bring yourself to give away because it was so cute. So you end up bringing your toddler to Target with one shoulder hanging out of your sweatshirt like an extra from an 80’s breakdancing movie. And, by the way, for pukey babies, the car seats with the zip off covers: WORTH IT.

How to clean up after vomit happens.









I discovered a magic combination of Babyganics Foaming Dish and Bottle Soap combined with Natures Miracle Pet Stain and Odor Remover that eliminates the stains and the SMELL. Spray with Natures Miracle (buy the big jug), then work the Babyganics foam into the stain. Thanks to this miracle combo none of the babies things actually smell like vomit; but the smell, dear Lord, the smell actually haunts my dreams. The sound of a baby gagging wakes me from a dead sleep and spikes my adrenaline. I get sweaty from the effort of helping my little one finish vomiting in the sink and saying the speech pathology prescribed, “uh, oh. Looks like your stomach got too full and you puked. Lets clean it up.” Sometimes the vomitting makes me freeze. I can’t really explain it, now and then I find myself standing stock-still holding a child who is spraying vomit all over his crib.

If your kid is a puker it’s worth thinking about the best way to discretely walk a bib full of vomit across a crowded restaurant to the bathroom. The secret is more in the look on your face than the wad of napkins you hold underneath the bib to catch leaks. It’s cool, in a weird way, that I can change a set of sheets in the dark with a semi-awake puke covered baby in my arms – and then shower him in the glow of a nightlight so he doesn’t wake all the way up. But that kind of street cred is overrated.

Princess and the Pea got nothing on me. These Double Brushed Ultra Microfiber Sheets from Where the Polka Dots Roam are the softest.

The hardest thing for the parent of a vomiter is that they tend to be FINE after they vomit. Sometimes they are immediately ready to eat again – “more food” was the first sign combination my toddler learned. Coming down off the adrenaline rush I find hard. I’m trying to remember it’s not about me. And that for him after it’s over, it’s over. They say he may grow out of it, and it’s definitely gotten better. But genetics plays a big role here. I’m sure I’ll end up teaching him all the things I learned about my own overly sensitive gag reflex. No capes. I’m not kidding. Anything that fastens around the neck is OUT. Vomiting while standing makes it less likely to come out your nose. And warn the dentist. Always, ALWAYS, warn the dentist.


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