Honoring Martin Luther King, Thoughts on Raising White Males
Not the prettiest image, a button made to remember MLK. But a reminder that this man of god was murdered because of the color of his skin.
Remembering Dr. Martin Luther King
Today, January 15, is Dr. King’s actual birthday, not just another Monday that banks are closed. One of the most important people of the 20th century, his activism against racism literally changed our country. 35 when he received the Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of the importance of his work in the civil rights movement. 39 when assassinated by a violent racist.
I turned 40 just before my sons were born, my husband turned 40 right before we found out we were having twins. We are 42 this year. The idea that Dr. King was 39 when murdered makes me weak with sadness. The youngest of his four children was 5 years old, the oldest 13. He accomplished world changing things in his young life and I consider it a moral imperative to teach my sons to honor his memory and to be Warriors for Social Justice.
2018 marks fifty (50!) years since his assassination.
And here I am, a nice white middle-aged lady, raising a pair of white men. Watching the sad rise in racism over the last year convinced me that I MUST take an active roll in raising these two little human beings right. And just so we are super clear, by “right” I mean: AWARE that racism impacts communities of color; with the knowledge that they BENEFIT from white privilege AND that does not mean they can ignore race; and UNWILLING to tolerate racism in any form. All of this means we (and I’m talking to all the white parents out there) MUST talk about racism as a white community; it is not sufficient to wait for communities of color to educate us and guide us to a less racist world. We should discipline ourselves to listen and believe when people of color share their experiences of racism.
Racism is a learned behavior. Make sure the messages you send your children are unambiguous. Ned Egan Photography
How I’m raising my two white males
Talking to your kids about race is just as much fun as talking to them about sex. But the big difference is that while you may be uncomfortable talking to your kids about racism, chances are they are not. Either you are white and it hasn’t much impacted your kids (obviously, there are plenty of white families who do talk about this already, but not enough) or you are a person of color and race and racism has been part of your dialog since the beginning (See the white privilege part here?). Watching the news is a pathetically easy opportunity to talk about racism. Don’t explain that Screaming White Supremacists are “Bad Guys”. Say, “Those people are angry because they believe white people are more important than people of different races.” I bet dollars to donuts that your kids won’t understand why anyone could hate someone else just because of the color of their skin. And the why of it doesn’t matter (unless your kid is older and then you can unpack scads of discussions about the historical roots of racism in America and across the world). What matters is that you make your kids aware of racism and aware that you do NOT think it’s ok.
One way we make sure our children are aware of the experiences of people of other races is to actively expose them to a diverse range of experiences. This is more than having a brown doll, but that’s a good start. It is more than reading books that include one token black character. There are dozens and dozens of award winning children’s books written and illustrated by people of color that shine a light on different cultural and racial experiences – your library will have them. We make an effort to interact with as diverse a community as we can. Kids aren’t born racist. They learn it. The more they are exposed to people of other races the less likely they will be to learn to be racist. Personal experiences matter.
I will teach my sons that it is not ok to be ‘color blind’. Saying ‘I don’t see color’ isn’t enlightened, and it’s not just. You may not be racist (I sure hope you aren’t). But saying, ‘I just want everyone to be treated the same’ ignores and, in fact, disregards the fact that people of color don’t get the same privilege. They can’t change an immutable part of their appearance. And the simple fact is that some people (they are called Racists) look at them see only their skin color and treat them differently than white people. ‘Color blindness’ is a keystone of White Privilege. It’s not thinking about race. It’s saying things like, ‘why does race even have to be an issue?’ the white privilege part really is ‘race has never been an issue for ME.’.
My sons will learn they hold a privileged place in society because they were born white. White privilege is not some magic coupon book of awesome THINGS that gets handed out to the melanin deficient at birth. I expect my sons to work, I expect them to earn the things they will get. I expect them to learn that just because there are white and disadvantaged people doesn’t mean that White Privilege doesn’t exist. And I will expect them to be aware that White Privilege is the long list of things white people don’t have to do or think about (like the life and death situation of getting pulled over by a police officer, or making sure you always have identification on you at all times to prove your citizenship or address).
Social Justice Matters
Harriet Tubman Underground Railroad National Historic Park, Dorchester County, Maryland. Ned Egan Photography
Raising social justice warriors starts with Parents. Parents Must show through their own actions that racism cannot be tolerated or explained away. This means telling your Great Aunt that it isn’t ok for her to be racist. That you will not allow her to say racist things in front of your kids. While that sounds like a terrible way to spend Thanksgiving Dinner it is better than excusing away her racism because ‘well that was her generation’ or ‘she’s old, she’s not going to change her mind’. Cause, believe you me, kids don’t hear those excuses. They hear your silent acceptance and endorsement.
I will teach my sons empathy and charity to all people. And I will teach them that because of their white privilege they have an affirmative obligation to speak out against racism. As infants, they visited the Harriet Tubman Underground Railroad National Historical Park . She was born just across the river from where we live. In the spring we will travel to Washington DC to see the monument to Martin Luther King. My twins were born in a city that held Confederate Monuments; since then Baltimore has removed them. And they will witness it when one of the last Confederate Monuments on Public Land in Maryland comes down. Because much to my shame, it is on our county courthouse lawn. My husband and I both have taken action to have the statue removed. It is a disgrace that it shares the grounds with a Statue of Frederic Douglas, our county’s native son. We will continue to support it’s removal.
We will teach our sons about Social Justice activists. That the third Monday in January isn’t just a day off school. It is a day to honor a man WHO GAVE HIS LIFE in the cause of Social Justice. Martin Luther King was murdered because he believed that no person should be placed above another based on the color of his skin.
Did you make it this far? If you did, I thank you.
Dang! I got all preachy didn’t I? I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read entirely through this. I feel pretty weird putting this out there. Who wants to hear a Nice White Lady’s thoughts about racism? I don’t know. I’m not writing this for a pat on the back or to feel superior. I writing this because last fall children at our public high school were openly using the N-word. A school my kids will attend one day. And that is NOT OK. It has to change. He Died for Peace and Freedom.
If you read my About Page you read that Fort Birthday is for everyone. But it’s not. Racists are not welcome in Fort Birthday.
We are actively parenting our boys to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King
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